Mom’s Letter: Estrella Foothills

Mom’s Letter: Estrella Foothills

Dear Amber,

For a brief moment we will play a game: “If only I had known then what I know now” and “would have, should have, could have”.

If Only

If only I had known then what I know now, this race would not be a memory because I would have argued with you that you NOT run this race.  I also should have forbid you from competing (as if that were possible). And let’s not forget that I could have fought the coaches harder about Gatorade and had you carry fluid & salt with you (coaches disagreed with anything other than water and I didn’t know the facts about low sodium levels in AD patients)

Sometimes I hate playing that game especially when recalling this particular event.  You were physically spent (close to a full blown Addison’s crisis), and I was so mad at myself for not circumventing and preventing this situation.  If only, would have, should have, could have, blah blah blah.


But now that it’s out of my system, I am extremely grateful that you lived and learned several lessons from this experience.  You learned that you WILL NEVER knowingly put yourself in that situation (or a similar situation) again.  You also learned to examine and analyze all the factors surrounding the goal then make adjustments and when necessary change the final goal based upon re-evaluation.  Some races should not be run at all.

From watching you I learned that running a race isn’t always about winning or losing but in fact crossing the finish line.  I learned how strong you are despite insurmountable circumstances and that your sheer determination is a force to be reckoned with.

I am still learning that while looking back (at this event and many others) I must forgive myself for my lack of knowledge and definitely not let my mind get stuck in the useless game of “If only I had known then…”

You are clearly alive and I am most grateful that we are on this journey together.

I love you,

In response to Estrella Foothills

This picture was taken immediately after I crossed the finish line. I didn’t know who these people were. But they knew I was not doing well.